Nom de Plume

We’re meandering down the Oregon coast into Northern California next week, and Nicki, Willie’s mother, has generously offered to take Harry. Lest anyone think that a pug is not a pain in the derriere, I am posting full instructions for his care and feeding next week.

1) Harry is fully committed to maintaining his portly figure. To that end, he gets a half cup of doggy food twice daily–once in the morning and once in the evening.

2) Harry likes to eat disgusting things, most notably cat poop. Unfortunately, his nose is so close to everything on the rest of his face that things get stuck in his face folds. A Q-tip soaked in his special face fold oil (rice bran oil, lavender and tee tree essential oils) gets the gunk out. I usually do this every few days, but you may want to omit this entirely. He hates it. In fact, the moment he sees me wield a Q-tip, he scoots himself under the nearest table as fast as his six-inch legs will carry him. Ditto the nail clippers.

3) Pugs are needy little bundles of fluff. Harry will sit by the side of your bed every morning until you pull him up and snuggle with him. You can ignore him, but the guilt may get to you. He’s very good at looking truly pathetic and abused. He also likes to be under your feet at any given point in the day or night, which is a bit of a hazard.

4) Speaking of fluff, Harry sheds more hair than an army recruit getting his first buzz cut. And it’s white, so you may want to avoid wearing black for the next week.

5) Ear plugs are a must if you are sensitive to snoring. It never ceases to amaze me that a 20 pound dog can produce more snore for the buck than a 220-pound man. You can actually have some fun with this one; If you put a bit of pressure on his head, the snores get louder. It’s kind of like making music out of crystal glasses with varying levels of water.

6) Finally, have fun! And thank you …