Nom de Plume

Blog? What blog? Yes, I’m still alive. Just lazy. But I liked this meme, lifted from A Was Alarmed.

1. My uncle once: marketed an artifical sweetener called called “Sweet and Lite” in India. It came in a pink package and was noxious.
2. Never in my life: have I distilled alcohol. I have, however, distilled three batches of hydrosols in my brand new copper alembic still: peppermint, rosemary, and lavender. Next up: cistus. Of which we have a ton, and which is supposed to be great for wrinkles.
3. When I was five: I rebelled against my mother’s gender-neutral toys (read Mac trucks) and insisted on a Barbie doll.
4. High School was: horrid. That’s okay. I can honestly say that I’ve never met an interesting person who actually liked high school. (Anyone?)
5. I will never forget:There are lots of things I’ll never forget, most of them humiliating.
6. I once met: a woman in Safeway with “Bud’s Bitch” tattooed on her chest. I was riveted.
7. There’s this girl I know who: Hmm. Do I even know any girls?
8. Once, at a bar: and when I was very drunk, I actually won a game of pool.
9. By noon, I’m usually: finally getting around to eating breakfast and wired from way too much coffee, which I’ve been swilling since 7 or 8.
10. Last night: I worked for a couple of hours and then put on Arabic music and practised my shimmy. Because I’ve been taking bellydance classes for a few months now and I am HOOKED.
10. If I only had: put a stop to the insane single man demolition team a couple of years ago, I would not be living in this construction zone we call a house.
12. Next time I go to church: it’ll probably be a funeral.
13. What worries me most: Are you kidding me?? I’m always worried about something with my hypochondriacal tendencies.
14. When I turn my head left, I see: Willie, whom I am dogsitting, sitting with Harry in the next yard over, gazing at me mournfully. I was going to walk them, but it started raining.
15. When I turn my head right, I see: A lot of dog hair on the floor.
16. You know I’m lying when: I have my safety glasses and gloves on (sorry, soapmaker’s joke)
17. What I miss most about the eighties: having a crush on John Taylor of Duran Duran and not being laughed at.
18. If I were a character in Shakespeare, I’d be: Doubtless one of the witches hunched over a simmering cauldron of potion.
19. By this time next year: We might have an anklebiter. No, nothing burbling away in there yet, but we decided to let whatever happens happen. THERE’S an updating bomb after lo these many moons, huh?
20. A better name for me would be: Zoe Marshenberger, which is the name of my alter ego I put in any web registration forms I have to fill out for whatever reason. Same initials, same unpronounciability.
21. I have a hard time understanding: any type of math that’s not a tip.
22. If I ever go back to school, I’ll: shamelessly copy Helen and appreciate the experience more.
23. I return your calls.
24. If I ever won an award, the first person I’d thank would be: my mom and Steve.
25. Take my advice, never: take my advice.
26. My ideal breakfast is: A very cheesy omelet.
27. A song I love, but do not have is: You know, it’s funny, but I haven’t listened to much music for the past few years. Now I am again, but it’s all bellydance music. Steve walks in the door now and groans, “Oh God, not THAT again … ” Usually I swish out in my hip scarf and he shuts up.
28: If you visit my hometown, I suggest: UNFAIR. I don’t really have a hometown.
29. Why won’t people: Use their flipping turn signals?
31. If you spend the night at my house: you will need a strong constitution and the ability to withstand sleeping in a room with no walls. (Still.) Alternatively, you can sleep in the shack.
31. I’d stop my wedding for: Another unfair question because it assumes that a wedding is important … not to get all philisophically smarmy or anything, but I’m not sure I believe in the institution. I say civil unions for everyone.
32. The world could do without: er, I dont know …
33. I’d rather lick the belly of a cockroach than: eat any of the kimchee Steve has four jars of in the fridge.
34. My favorite blonde is: Harry. Well, he’s kind of blond.
35. Paper clips are more useful than: not much.
36. If I do anything well, it’s: being snotty.
37. And by the way: I have so much stuff I need to get done before we head back to Steve’s family reunion on Thursday.