Nom de Plume

Well, I assume you’re a Mr. because I assume that most people who search for porn online are men. But I could be wrong. In which case, please accept my sincerest apologies for making assumptions about your gender. And I’m assuming that it’s not your gender that’s in question here. I mean, it’s not like you were googling “transsexual porn” or “shemale” or “girls with penises” or any of those other things that I’m seriously going to regret putting into a blog post because the search engines are going to go crazy now.

No, what apparently interests you is “vitiligo porn.”

A three-columned template, which is something I’ve been seeking for, like, three years.

The only thing I don’t like about this (other than the niggling little details, which even I can fix) is that when you click on categories, or archives, or search, it comes up with incomplete posts appended with a “read more.” Personally, I find the need to click and click and click some more to be only slightly less irritating than reversed out 5 pt type on a black background. So if there are any wordpress gurus out there, PLEASE tell me how to modify. I can’t pay you, but I’ll send you some handmade soap …

but very funny.

Please, please stop hotlinking images. It’s obnoxious. More than that, I really don’t want to be associated in any way, shape, or form to your stupid page with pictures of you pouting in front of a mirror with a digital camera. I don’t want to hear “Don’t you wish your girlfriend was hot like me” pounding out of my laptop speakers as all your stupid little friends are all, like, “I luv u 4ever!!!!!” and “OMG, you are soooooooooooooo hotttttttttt!!!!!!!”

And believe me when I say that the world does not need to be exposed to your whale tail.

You have singlehandedly set the women’s movement back about 4 million years. I never once thought I would ever say this, but you know what? You are asking for it. Seriously.

You’re embarrassed by your parents? That’s nothing compared to what you’re going to face. In 15 years, your children–who will be parents themselves if they follow your example–are going to be so appalled at what you’ve allowed everyone to see that they’ll become born agains just to rebel.

Yeah, yeah, I know. If MySpace were a country it would be the 11th largest in the world. Unfortunately, Bush wouldn’t be able to go in swinging his WMD argument because he’d know that it was too stupid a nation to have WMDs. Though come to think of it, he probably has a page there. But that’s a digression from my main point, which is, quite simply this: You are scary, scary people. Now stop stealing my bandwidth.

I stumbled across this somewhere, and if you need to waste two minutes, here it is … five minutes if you blog it. Google “[your name] needs” and see what you come up with.

Apparently, I am touchy feely:
“Zia needs support.”
“Zia needs to reach the heart.”
“Zia needs to reach out honestly.”

And apparently, I need to drink more:
“Zia needs 30-40 shooters.”

But then I need to drink less:
“Zia needs to be put back in the bottle.”

Okay, five minutes wasted. Back to major soapmaking marathon. I’ve gotten bad about posting soaps, but in the past week I’ve made:

– Lavandin / spruce / orange / litsea / amrys / rose FO
– Another complicated blend that I forgot to write down, and can’t remember everything that’s in there
– Lavender / orange / peppermint
– Another batch of modified castile with beeswax and honey
– Another batch of the all-new the No Stinkum Steve.

Actually, let me waste another five minutes.

The all new NSS is the final NSS. It’s awesome. It’s made with anise, lavender, tea tree, and peppermint and colored with activated charcoal so it’s BLACK. I just cut it this morning:

Apparently, Vonage is expecting its customer base to go the way of its stock price–that is to say way, way down. How else to explain the title of its mass e-mailing? Yep, introducing the “Vonage Alumni Newsletter.”

I’m thinking about retiring the blog.

I’ve kept this thing going for over three years now. It’s gone through several iterations, chronicled the ephemera of my life, and I don’t regret what is, after all, an exercise in narcissism. But these days, it just feels pointless–and frankly, I’m not having fun with it anymore. More to the point, I have the sneaking suspicion that blogging is keeping me from working on the novel.

I don’t know; maybe this is just a phase. Maybe I’m just depressed.

Forget accounting programs, printer drivers, and all that other junk that doesn’t work. what I really needed was a podcast receiver that would. After googling around, found Happy Fish; its programmer Will was looking for Windows Vista 64-bit testers. And it works! And it’s free! Besides which, Will is a really nice guy (and I think must also be a designer, considering the super slick way HF looks). Download here.

And if you go by how my grandmother pronounced Kiki, it actually rhymes.

Link

My mother called this morning because she was having problems uploading her photo for this contest. Well, who could resist? I won’t win–I wrote the thing in two seconds–but if you feel compelled to vote for me, I won’t complain.